Monday, December 21, 2009

Play Ball



Dogs love nothing more than to play with a ball right? If you answered yes, you’re either a novice around dogs or you have a Border Collie. The correct answer is … some dogs live to play ball, some dogs love to see a ball being thrown around, and others, like Jemima Maltese x, Babooti Bichon, Dixie Special Girl, and Ruby Watson Cairn Terrier see it this way:

“She throws the ball. You run a million miles an hour to get it. You rush back and present it to her. She throws it away again. And you chase it? You’re kidding right?”

Steadfastly ignoring the disdain of these naysayers, Critter Club has a virtual rugby team of ball-chasing talent. And, like a rugby team, there are many positions to be filled by all creatures great and small.

But first, lets examine the game itself and the equipment needed. Equipment, you laugh. Read up, junior.

We Dog Rock Gods see many a debutante dogwalker pick up the ball and throw it as far as they can, pick up the ball and throw it as far as they can, over and over again. In a straight line no less. Where’s the art? Where’s the finesse? Where’s the fun? The skill?

Rocks, stones, hills, trees, and tree roots were invented for a reason: to make playing ball interesting. The skilled ball thrower learns to ricochet the ball off these helpful tools so the ball catching dog need not only be fast but agile, alert, and aware.

This is where the most vital piece of equipment comes in, the ball itself. And truly, there is only one. It must be light so as not to damage nature’s tools, and it must bounce like billyo. The ball? Spalding’s High Bounce Ball. There is no other.

Now to the team. Essentially there are the High Performance Players, the Supporters, and the One-Offs.

The Supporters are a unique bunch. In our team they are Spikey Cairn Terrier, Snowie Westie, and Twiggy Manchester Terrier. Their role is to bark like crazy at the Dog Rock God until the ball is thrown. They then run like crazy after the ball – all looks normal so far – but when they get to it they refuse absolutely to pick the thing up.

“What? Put that in my mouth? I don’t think so.”

Fortunately for them, one of the A team always swoops in, gathers the ball, and rushes it back to the Dogwalker Extraordinaire, allowing them to bark like crazy in support of the elite athlete carrying the ball.

Twiggy has her own little twist on her supporter schtick. While the A Team have their eagle eyes trained on the about-to-be-released ball, Twiggy chooses one to stand behind, usually superstar Bebe Groodle, and pokes them continually with her pointy little nose, as though looking for the on button which will start the chase again.

This brings us to the One-Offs, all of whom have their own little quirks. They’re basically dogs that are more interested in the ball itself than the game. This manifests itself in various ways. Baci (“Marley’s got nothing on me”) Labrador likes to grab the ball and run with it so no-one can play the chasing the ball game. She likes them to play the chasing Baci game. Fortunately she’s a bit of a wimp so as soon as one of the elite wrap their mouth around hers, she quickly surrenders the ball.

Little Charlie Cavoodle would love to be a member of the big team but he really only has his training wheels on at the moment, so if ever he has a chance to snaffle the ball he just lays on the ground and chews it, much to the chagrin of the big kids.

Perhaps the smallest dog in the pack is Sadie Terrier. Not often, maybe once every two months or so, Sadie thinks it would be hysterical if she stole the ball. Somehow she manages to grab it and steadfastly refuses to give it up. The sight of this tiny little thing with her mouth opened as wide as it will go in order to accommodate the said ball, being frantically followed by a pack of big dogs, while refusing to give it up point blank, is something to behold.

And finally, the oddest one-off of them all is Buttons Maltese x Shihtzu. The Dog Rock Gods must be very careful that Buttons does not get hold of the ball at any time during the walk because he feels – no, he knows – that it is his responsibility to return the ball to the car. We can be at the furthest point from the start of our walk and, if Buttons is allowed to swoop on the ball, it is not only game over but walk over. What follows is a little white fluffy busily moving all four legs for all he’s worth followed by up to ten other dogs and a couple of humans trying to persuade him that it will be OK to leave the ball out of the car for just a little longer.

We now arrive at the A Team, the jocks, the elite athletes, the friends of John Coates. The stars are Harry German Shorthaired Pointer, Jennifer Labradoodle, Tilly Boxer, Toast Boxer, and the champion of the world, Bebe Groodle. Each has their idiosyncrasies:
Harry likes to give the ball a thorough chewing before he gives it back so it is clearly marked with his slobber. Tilly and Jennifer both like to prance in circles, heads held high, “how clever am I?” Toast prefers to have the ball kicked rather than thrown because he has his eye on Mark Schwartzer’s position for South Africa 2010 and needs all the practice he can get. Toast’s goalkeeping approach is particularly frustrating for all other participants as the more successful he is in stopping the ball, the less chase they have.

This leaves the wonder that is Bebe. Athletic, balletic, fast, agile, smart. In short, superior all round. If we happen to come without a ball, Bebe gets her nose to work and finds one that some poor schmuck has left behind. Once in play, Bebe can outsprint, outjump, and outmanoeuvre every other dog. Every time. She is one of the few dogs who can follow a ball in the air, anticipate how it will bounce, know where it will land. She is Ronaldo, Nadal, Jordan (not Woods) all wrapped up in one. She is our megastar. Want to challenge us anyone? Bring it on!

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